If you have watched the Gruen Transfer on ABC you will have been entertained and educated about what advertising does, what makes the good ads good and the bad ones really bad. There is a segment in which they give competing advertising agencies the challenge of selling the ‘unsellable’.
Even though these challenges are given out with the intention of being a bit of a laugh, a lot of these agencies do some amazing work. I remember one particular episode last year just before the elections. The unsellable product was the Greens’ political party. This time around one of the agencies did it so well that the Greens Party actually contacted ABC to see if they could buy the ad. They were told no. The ad was part of the show content and not to be considered an advertisement which would be contrary to the ABC charter. The reason why the ad was so good was not because of the ‘production values’ as they say, the high gloss, great acting and so on but because it made you think and made you consider something that you wouldn’t normally.
If you reflect on property advertising even I must admit it can be pretty formulaic. They tend to talk about the facts of the property and try to make it more enticing by using words like ‘alfresco’. In fact one agent I know had the word ‘alfresco’ in more than half the property ads he had running on the internet in our area.
Real Estate agents are known for their tendency to describe places as magnificent when some of them are really nothing more than a box; so it is not surprising that someone decided to tell it how it really is in an effort to stand out from the crowd. This advertisement was for share accommodation so it wasn’t written by a real estate agent but it was picked up by the newspapers and real estate blogs because of the humour and the tongue-in-cheek truth that was used to capture the reader's attention. Some of the language is not going to be considered appropriate by all so I’ve replaced it were appropriate.
Ludicrously overpriced, with carpet stained like an infant’s undies and a truly appealing paint job…. no, I meant a peeling paint job…… this 2 bedroom top floor North Bondi flat is perfect for the blind and/or less discriminating flatmate. Your potential bedroom is unfurnished although it does have the requisite four walls and ceiling so that’s a plus.
The bathroom has a bath which manages to retain water so it’s fulfilled its destiny. The kitchen has all the essentials but not a bit more and the place is furnished and decorated in a style best described as “junkie minimalism.”
So why move in? I’m glad you asked. The view and location is about as good as you’ll get as you’ll see from the photos. That is the view from the room. Impressive huh? And there’s a small balcony too. Plus, the hovel is within easy walking distance to shops and right at the start of the 333 bus route so getting in to the city is a piece of cake! You get a seat every time and you can laugh at the losers having to stand (it’s the small, petty things that keep me happy). And it’s got internet, washing machine and all the essential stuff.
If you have a designer’s eye and wish to play down the trailer trash aesthetic, please feel free to make the changes. I have absolutely zero attachment to the current furnishings and would welcome someone with the ability and desire to polish the presentation.
As for me, I work (as little as humanly possible) in media/marketing ergo, I’m a complete tosser. On a positive note, I am house broken and have no criminal record. The rest – 33 years old, male (as if you couldn’t tell), likes boy stuff such as televised sport, the consumption of take away food and I’ve recently discovered the joys of adding fabric softener to my washing. What a day that was!
I don’t mind who I live with but I would prefer not to live with a couple. Nothing personal against the loved up but you people make me sick. To live with that is. If you happen to be a girl, believe it or not, my past two flatmates were girls and I dare say that we got along quite well. Hell, I’ll even put you in touch with them if ya wanna check my bonafides.
No doubt like me, you read it all the way through with a smile on your face and like me you’re probably wondering if it worked. Well, I don’t know with any certainty but I read in one of the papers that it got an amazing number of hits on the internet (hits are the number of times people opened up the ad to read it or email it to others) but the unit remained unrented. While it is probably rented now and any problems it had with being rented were perhaps that the unit was too much like how the ad described it. As he would say ‘ergo, it’s a complete tosser’ i.e. no one liked the ad enough to want to live in the hovel. Then again, it could be because ‘readership by the many’ isn’t the same thing as ‘readership by the matched’.
By this I mean the person you want to read your ad is the person that the property ideally matches. You see, for everyone else the property is a compromise. It’s good in some aspects but not the ones that really count. The ‘ideal’ buyer won’t walk in and say ‘this is perfect’, they walk in and say it’s not perfect but it has everything I really need. And by everything I mean those three of four main things, important things. Those things can be simple and subtle like lightness or openness. They may have lived in a dark house and swore they would never live in a dark home again.
The buyer that pays the most for a property isn’t the one with the deepest pockets, it’s the one with the biggest smile when they inspect, because they know this is the one they want, this is the one that’s worth paying more for. They smile because the searching is over. If the size of a buyer’s budget guaranteed a better price I would sell every property to James Packer for whatever he would pay. Why don’t we? It is because if James Packer looks at a property he doesn’t really want, he’ll only pay a price that makes it too good a deal to pass up. In simple terms people who don’t love a property but still buy it only do so because they love the price they pay, or should I say, the money they were able to NOT pay.

